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EARTHSCAPES
Alas, Nothing but Mortimer	Diane Beyer
March 2010 Earthscapes By Diane Beyer “Alas, Nothing but Mortimer” The snows outside my windows are still feet deep, but that doesn’t deter the fluffy little winged harbingers of nature’s versatility and ability to adapt from dining al fresco at bright red feeders. Something new though… in addition to the usual patrons of my avian eateries; the cardinals, titmice, juncos, gold and house finches, even an occasional rufous sided towee, there were GADS of starlings! Noisy, busy, piggish, bullying! They busily threw sunflower seed to the ground so their bandit buddies could scurry about gobbling up, again, GADS! Why? I asked myself, were these usually absent, unreserved, loud, obnoxious creatures gorging themselves greedily on my gracious offerings? Hmph! I tapped on the window. Nothing, except for the flittering of more-timid birds. I opened the window. The starlings flew away, but not too far, perching in a nearby tree, waiting for the window to close; promptly returning to their gluttonous behavior. “Eat me out of house and home”, was the phrase come to mind as I contemplated strategies to protect what was left for the less gregarious. None of the tactics worked. What non-appealing birds, I thought, as I watched helplessly. Stumpy in stature, not a tail to speak of, their color a mix of blacks and speckles that seems to indicate color selection was not settled on before the species was released for production. Their skinny yellow beaks appear to stuck to the fronts of their little faces from some smaller, more refined bird. Their movements choppy, too quick for any creature engaged in acceptable behavior. How unkind I felt, thinking negatively of these creatures who were just trying to secure nourishment, same as the others. I knew starlings are not native to the US. I vaguely remembered a story about birds in Shakespeare’s works. So, as the starlings stuffed themselves, I retreated to the Internet to learn of a man named Eugene Schiffelin, who introduced the starling to Central Park, circa 1890, as a member of the American Acclimatization Society, aiming to give the birds his new environment – the US – reminiscent of his OLD environment – Europe. Nothing indicates that Schiffelin released other birds mentioned by the Bard, including house sparrows, bullfinches, nightingales and skylarks. Only the house sparrow and starling introductions have been “successful.” Such “acclimatization” societies were fashionable in the 1890s, supported by scientific beliefs of that era. The effects of non-natives was not yet realized. Less than 100 birds were originally released. By the 1950s, starlings were found coast-to-coast and south into Mexico. Today, we estimate their numbers in excess of 200 million! And many of them outside my living room window! And, the Bard only mentioned the starling once in all his writings -– a line that states, “Nay, I’ll have a starling shall be taught to speak nothing but ‘Mortimer’.” The line appears in Henry IV and infers the mimicking ability of the starling could be used to drive King Henry mad by repeating one name over and over. How wise the Bard! I know they were driving me MAD this cold, winter day. Time to refill the feeders. Fifteen pounds used to go so much farther! Go figure. Nothing seems to last like it used to! Diane Beyer is slowing going mad creating diabolical ways to outsmart the starlings!
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