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CHILDPLAY
Putting the stress on children	C. Ruth Ebrahim
March 2010 CHILDPLAY Putting the stress on children By C. Ruth Ebrahim There aren’t many sure things in life. One definite in raising children, though, is that they learn from everything we do. When we don’t intend to be teaching is probably when they’re paying the most attention. That’s why my son Nasir, two and a half, sits down at the kitchen table, puts his little hand on his head and says “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do.” Completely unintentionally, I’ve taught my little bundle of joy who wakes up everyday and says “It’s such a pretty day” to be a total stress basket. Ok, that’s my neuroses talking. He probably isn’t a total stress basket, yet. But, the little mannerisms he picks up from me are proof that he watches me all the time and picks up not only my actions and words but also my mood and temperament. Stress comes in many forms and for many reasons. Last month—as our town (once again) got buried in snow, local stores and restaurants lost important money-making weekends and parents struggled to keep children occupied for nearly two straight weeks out of school—stress piled up along with the snow banks. As March begins and there’s some promise that spring actually plans on arriving, I hope to allow some of my stress to melt away also. Knowing I’m not the only person who has been feeling the pressure, I’d like to share my thoughts on how to make this possible. We all know the negative effects of stress—we eat too much or too little, drink too much of the wrong thing, sleep too much or too little and don’t take time to realize what good we have going on. We generally ignore the things that could make us feel better, like exercise and self-reflection, and opt for full steam ahead dedication to our stressed out state of mind. Or, at least I do. I guess I shouldn’t presumptively speak for all of personkind. But, I know plenty like me who have a difficult time taking it easy when circumstances around them get tough. The solution can’t be eliminating stress, since we are not always in control of those things that cause anxiety. The solution must be coping with stress in ways that do not compound the problem. Identifying factors that someone is taking care of his/herself include healthy eating habits, active lifestyle, time spent with family and friends and positive self-image. That’s what I strive for my child to see in me. Without aiming for perfection in any of these categories, I want simply to increase my awareness of how much time I spend thinking anxious thoughts and feeling overwhelmed rather than being proactive in taking care of myself. Next time Nasir chooses to honor me imitating my actions and words, I’d rather he not run from one room of the house to another saying “I’m running my errands.” It may have been cute, but it also made me realize how this little person sees one of his biggest role models spending her time. As sure as it is that children quietly observe our behavior and (sometimes not so quietly) mimic us, it’s a sure thing that too much stress in our lives carries over onto our children. Realizing how ineffective worrying is at getting anything accomplished, I want to find a way to teach my son to live without this burden. Perhaps a certain level of anxiety keeps us motivated. And, I’ll argue, a trigger for when to start feeling the pressure may be necessary for us to escape the burdensome situations causing stress. As I wait for circumstances to change, I plan to proactively and intentionally adjust the way I react to the things I cannot change. I think I’ll quickly see a change in how my little “orbit,” a nickname my dad has for Nasir who is constantly circling around the “mothership,” chooses to imitate me. Ruth Ebrahim docks in our orbit periodically to share her insights with other parents.
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